And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
