Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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