Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
