I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
