dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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