She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
