awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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