I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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