I wish you could order shots online.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
