Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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