I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
