I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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