Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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