I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
