i don't like sucking hair
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
