its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
