I'm going to jail i love you
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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