I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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