i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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