A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
