Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I think i got beer on your cat.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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