I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just want nice things and good sex
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize