I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
