I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
