I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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