i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Two words: blizzard sex
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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