Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i need some magic done to my vagina
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
