And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
