Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
