I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
