I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
