Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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