I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
