Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
