How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize