Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
