I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
