we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
