i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
