im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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