I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
