I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
