I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
