Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize