Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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