Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize