I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
