Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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