I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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