They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
