Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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