is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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