It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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