Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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