remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
