**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
