I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
