I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
