Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
