I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
