angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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