Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
