Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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