dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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