I think my fart just growled at me.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
