I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Randomize
