Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize