am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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