If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
