Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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