I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
