A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
